Home
by xMidnight Muse
Summary: Susan realizes her mistakes and finds her way back home. R&R!


"_My sister, Susan, is no longer a friend of Narnia"_

"_Oh Susan! She's interested in nothing nowadays except nylons and lipstick and invitations. She always was a jolly sight too keen on being grown-up."_

"_Grown-up indeed. I wish she _would _grow up. She wasted all her school time wanting to be the age she is now, and she'll waste all the rest of her life trying to stay that age."_

"_Her whole idea is to race on to the silliest time of one's life as quick as she can and then stop there as long as she can"_

"_Well, don't let's talk about that now"_

Susan Pevensie woke with a start, breathing heavily as something wet trickled down her cheeks.

She touched her fingers to the wetness and realized it instantly to be tears, instead of sweat which she had originally thought.

She sighed and thought back to her dream, which she had been having every night for the past 4 months and some days.

The dreams had started the night of the accident which had lead to her entire family's death, leaving her as an orphaned and only child.

The dream was always exactly the same, every night.

Susan would find herself in the presence of 8 people, half of which she recognized to be her own brothers, sister and cousin Eustace.

Although she felt as if she knew the other four people, she could not for the life of her put names to their faces, no matter how hard she tried.

All of them were dressed in brilliant robes and dresses, with glittering crowns adorning each of their heads.

She would always gaze sadly at the ones that were resting on the heads of her siblings, being able to remember exactly the day on which they had received them.

"_To the ­glistening Eastern Sea, I give you Queen Lucy, the Valiant"_

"_To the great Western Wood, King Edmund, the Just"_

"_To the radiant Southern Sun, Queen Susan, the Gentle"_

"_And to the clear Northern Sky, King Peter, the Magnificent"_

You see, her siblings views on the matter set aside, Susan had never truly forgotten about Narnia. She had never wanted too.

But when push came to shove, as she was banned from the land she had once called home, she realized that it was time to set aside memories, and focus on the here and now of real life.

Now, she found herself regretting this decision.

If only she hadn't been stupid enough to pretend as though Narnia had never existed for her own benefit, she would have gone on the train with Peter, Edmund and Lucy, instead of being left on her own, spending every second of every day reminiscing on how dumbly she had acted, and how much she missed everyone.

If she could only rewind time, Susan would have never simply laughed each of them off, telling them that they had such good memories to still be playing the silly make believe game they had made up years ago, while at the Professor's house during the war.

In reality, it had been those moments that hurt her the most. It tore her up inside as she told herself that it was just a game. As she told herself that there was no magnificent castle by the sea, there was no witch that her brothers had defeated with the help of many strange creatures, and herself and Lucy, there was no half man half goat who had befriended her little sister, the rest of them following. And there had certainly been no great, talking lion who had helped them all so much.

The more she had told herself these things, in order to make her life easier, and less hurtful, the more she began to believe them.

And that was how things had gone drastically down hill.

She had never meant for things to turn out this way.

She had never meant to make Lucy cry every time she denied Narnia.

She had never meant for Edmund to yell at her every time she told him that he was much too old to be playing such a silly game.

She had never meant to cause Peter to look at her in a way that just screamed of disappointment every time she waved away the invitations of her siblings to talk about Narnia for the invitations of her friends to different parties.

She had never meant to abandon her country and Aslan.

But she had.

And the moment she found out that they were all dead, she realized how pointless it had been for her to deny everything that she knew in her heart was true, that it had really only hurt herself and her family more then they already were.

Susan sighed as she sat up in her bed.

What a mess her life had become.

"Please Aslan, forgive me" she said quietly, surprising herself slightly. It had been years since she had said his name.

But she almost felt like a weight was being lifted off of her shoulders as she uttered the name, and a pleasant feeling flowed throughout her body.

"My dear daughter" a voice said.

Susan jumped with a start. Her eyes were instantly drawn to a light that was emanating from the middle of her room, just a few feet from her bed.

The longer she stared at it, the more the light became a shape, one which she recognized very clearly, even though it had been so long since she had last seen him.

"Aslan?" she asked quietly, although it was not necessary. She knew it was him without a doubt.

"My daughter, what has taken you so long?" the great lion asked, somewhat sadly as he took a few steps closer to her.

"I don't understand" Susan said, turning her body to face him, and swinging her legs over the side of her bed, where they brushed the carpet lightly.

"Why has it taken you so long to realize your mistakes?" Aslan clarified. Susan dropped her head.

"I know that this entire experience has been difficult for you. You have lost those you love, and I know how difficult that can be. But why, dear one, did it take you so long for you to realize the errors of your way, to realize that Narnia is, and always was, as real as the ground beneath you?"

Susan looked up at the lion, but quickly had to turn her face downwards again, finding that she could only hold his gaze for a few seconds.

"I…I'm not sure. It was just so hard when you said that I couldn't ever go back. Narnia had been my home for so long. I guess I just…pushed it aside. I figured that if there never was a Narnia, then it wouldn't hurt so much that I couldn't ever go back" she replied, understanding that this had been the main reason of giving up.

"I tried to hold on afterward, I really did. But growing up is hard enough without the knowledge that such a place exist always at the back of your mind," she continued.

"Your siblings seemed to manage"

"I know. I never was as strong as them. I guess this just proves it" Susan muttered sadly. A tear ran down her cheek at the thought of them.

"Now, don't cry dear one. You know that that isn't true. You've always been just as strong and brave as the others. You have proved that by coming to terms with yourself. You've realized your mistakes, and that is what really matters. You've found your way back." Aslan said softly.

"I'm sorry Aslan, I really am. Will you ever be able forgive me?" Susan asked meekly, looking up at his face again.

"Dear one, you are already forgiven"

Susan smiled up at him.

The lion then touched his tongue lightly to her forehead before speaking again,

"Now it's time for you to finally come home"

Susan closed her eyes and felt a warm breeze surround her, which she assumed to be Aslan's breath.

When she opened her eyes again, she found that she was no longer in her dark bedroom. She was now standing on a beach, the salty sea air filling her up. She turned around to see a great castle on the top of a hill.

She looked down and noticed that she was now wearing a deep blue dress with golden trims which seemed to be made of a silk-like material. She reached her fingers to her hair which was let down and fell to her lower back.

Susan smiled as her fingers brushed over the familiar metal of her golden crown.

"SUSAN!" a happy voice cried.

Susan turned to where the voice had come from, and her smile widened as she saw her little sister running towards her. She was also wearing a very regal dress, and she saw the glint of silver on the top of her head.

Lucy collided with her older sister as her arms wrapped tightly around her.

"Oh Su! I've missed you terribly!" Lucy cried as Susan hugged her tightly,

"Lucy, you have absolutely no idea" she replied as happy tears trailed down her face.

"Lucy? Where are you?"

"Come on Lu, this isn't…"

The voices of the two new arrivers stopped short. Susan looked up and her tears fell harder.

"Edmund? Peter?"

"Susan?" they asked simultaneously. The two of them darted over to her and enveloped their sister into a deathly tight hug.

As they pulled away, Susan looked at each of them in turn, remembering her dream. Ed and Lucy had stayed silent, but Peter had spoken out against her.

"_My sister, Susan, is no longer a friend of Narnia"_

"You all must hate me" she said, her happiness momentarily drifting away.

Edmund placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, even though you said some things that hurt, we could never hate you Susan. You're our sister, and no amount of hurtful words could ever change that. We love you Su, we always did." he assured her, looking to his brother and sister.

"Of course Susan, I can't believe you'd even think something like that" Lucy said, turning to Peter, who had a strange look on his face. He stayed silent, simply looking out at the sea.

"It's alright Peter. I didn't expect you to forgive me so easily. After all, I'm not a friend of Narnia any longer am I?" Susan asked quietly. With one last hug to Edmund and Lucy, she turned to walk up to the castle, a deep frown across her face.

As soon as she was out of sight, Lucy spun around to face her oldest brother scowling. She reached up and hit him backside the head.

"What is wrong with you?" she asked sternly.

Edmund also turned to face him.

"She's been through enough without you practically telling her that you hate her. I mean…"

"I don't hate her" Peter snapped, speaking for the first time with a dangerous flicker in his eyes.

"Well next time she comes around maybe you should act like it" Lucy yelled. She sighed looking at Peter's face.

"Listen, she had to deal with all of us dying and with all of those memories of her denying Narnia on her shoulders. She obviously feels terrible about the entire thing. Just…go talk to her, she's just coming back and I want this to be special" she suggested.

Peter nodded and ran off in the direction Susan had left in.

As soon as he caught up with her he took her arm and made her turn to face him.

"Look Su, I'm sorry. I didn't mean…"

"No Pete, I'm sorry" she interrupted. He looked at her in confusion.

"What do you have to be sorry about?"

"Are you kidding? I spent so long telling all of you to grow up and that Narnia was nothing but a silly game of make believe. I yelled at all of you, I was downright beastly." Susan reminded him.

"It was just so hard. Narnia had been our home far longer than England had, and then Aslan just snatched it out from underneath us. It wasn't fair. I guess I just did it to get away from the hurt. Typical actually. You, Ed and Lucy doing what's best, with me doing what's easiest" she finished.

Peter sighed as he enveloped his sister in a tight hug, which she returned gratefully.

"I really am sorry Pete. I never meant to hurt you, any of you. Please say you aren't mad at me, I just don't think I can handle that" Susan asked, resting her head on his chest.

Peter kissed the top of her head lightly,

"Of course I'm not mad at you Su. I'm sorry as well. I do love you, nothing could ever change that."

"I love you too Peter"

As Susan took in her surroundings and saw Edmund and Lucy walking up to join them, she, for the first time in her life, felt at rest.

She was with the ones she loved, and they had forgiven her.

She was finally home.

-+-+-

A/N: Yay! So I've had that idea in my head for ages, and I'm glad to finally have gotten it down. I hope you liked it, reviews are appreciated. If you want to flame, at the very least give advice so that I can improve.

_Disclaimer: _Home _is a work of fan fiction. All canon characters, settings and events belong to C.S. Lewis, only the plot, and non canon characters and settings belong to me unless stated otherwise._


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